Show Notes for 7/25/17

Podfriends! We are back for another episode and the TV Gods has blessed us this week. In case you didn’t have a chance to watch everything. Here are the breakdowns of the times.


·         Queen Sugar- Top of the Show (8.5)

·         Power- 32:27 (9)

·         Insecure- 56:46 (8)

·         Being Mary Jane- 1:11:09


·         The pitfalls of perfectionism

·         The importance of controlling your emotions

·         Just because it sounds like a good plan, doesn’t mean it’s a good plan

·         The truth always come to light


·         Stein and Silver working together to get back at James


·         Etsy shop for Insecure culture pieces


·         The Perfect Find by Tia Williams

We were running short on time so we didn’t get a chance to do the full breakdown of Being Mary Jane. We will make sure that we hit touch on that next week. If Insecure has you swimming in your feelings and questions are popping in your head…. LET US KNOW! We are coming up with a list of WTF questions that we will be asking our Certified Real Niggas Panel.

Until next time... Happy Watching.


Showrunner of The Week 5/18/2017

This week we were BLOWN away by Grey's Anatomy "Ring of Fire" and Braxton Family Values "The Other Ms. Braxton". Make sure to check them both out! 

Grey's Anatomy remined us of the old days. We flashed back to all the horrible shit that has happened at Grey-Sloan Memorial. While the Braxton's brought up some things from our past. We get every personal on this episode of the show. 


This episode, we are starting to see Hannah coming to terms with really being pregnant. We open up with her staring at a lima bean with a Google search open. Hannah makes a list of reason why she shouldn’t have the baby. On the list, it includes things like she’s only twenty-seven, she acts younger than that, and she may never talk to her Father again. I have been personally wondering what is going on with him and where is he on his gay journey.  We learn in a heated discussion between Hannah and Loreen that her Dad has a partner. (Next episode we get to see them together).  Loreen is unable to feel happy about the baby because she’s realizing that her life has not turned out how she imagined. (Been there).  She later tells Hannah that every time she looks at the baby she will see her own death. (Ouch). That’s the thing about death and babies, its makes you stop and make an assessment of your life. No matter how much you know you shouldn’t be compare-y. We all do it any way.

Ray is dealing with the sudden death of Hermie. He’s looking through things at Hermie house. He’s full of gloom and feels that death is around the corner waiting to take us all. (But isn’t it?) Thank god for Shosh, she refuses to let him have a pity party and tells him that she doesn’t plan on dying at all. In which, Ray says great, “Because I couldn’t handle that”.  (Tear)  We then see a few scenes later that Marnie has stop by and she couldn’t look more uncomfortable.  Sensing her uncomfortableness Ray asks her if she have anywhere to be… She lies and say no.  Then in the most non-believable way, suddenly remembers that she has a fitness class to attend in Manhattan. This time Ray is not for the bull and tells her don’t bother coming back. He’s finally standing up for himself and is seeing what Hermie has been trying to tell him in the first place. Needless to say Marnie being Marnie, says that it just the grief talking and she isn’t a bad person. (Oh but sis you are.)

Meanwhile, Jess is swimming in her feelings and having second thoughts about the movie.  As she sits on the sideline she realizes that Adam and Hannah actually had a real relationship. She sees that despite all the crazy things that she heard about their relationship. Adam really did have feelings for Hannah.  We see that this movie is bringing about a different side of Adam. He’s doing an excellent job directing the movie. He refuses to fall into Jess traps and have a clear vision about what the movie means. It’s actually really beautiful to see this Adam in such a different light.  Director really looks good on him and I think this was the best decision he could have ever made.

Back to Hannah. She has lost Loreen because she’s high on weed gummies. Before Loreen stumbles into the street. I see something in Hannah that I often see on my friends and I face.  It’s the fear that your parent is going to be alone. No one wants to see their parents alone. And sometimes it’s hard to get them to see the beauty of their own situation. After successfully finding her Mom. High Loreen drops the bomb that Hannah’s having a baby and Elijah couldn’t have been more taken back. After laughing at the joke, he quickly stops when he sees everyone is not joining in. He jumps up and leave the table. He’s pissed! Despite everyone being unsure about her having a baby, Hannah is sure and feels that this is her baby. We see at the end of this episode that Hannah for the first time is happy about being pregnant. (Tear).

Now back to Elijah! When a close friend like that is having a life changing experience, you can’t help but to think about your own life. And when/if that will ever happen for you. A few years ago, I had a friend who was really upset when she found out her best friend was pregnant. (Like tears upset).  It was because it made her, like Elijah, look at her life. She realized that she had attached herself to this person life and once that baby comes it can’t happen like that anymore.  It’s so easy to attach yourself to friends and think that things will always be the same.  You may think that you and your friends will always stay on the same level. But unfortunately, it doesn’t happen. Your friends meet people, get married, get new jobs and even move to new cities. It’s just a part of life.  But you don’t have to allow that to tear you down. You don’t have to make that stop you from progressing in life.  You have to embrace it and find new ways to honor that friendship. You also have to surrender and trust that the universe will deliver all of your wishes.

Another theme that I picked up on in this episode, is that there are two types of people. There are people who are going to make things happen and then there are the others who let things happen. People who are the subject of their lives, and people who are the object in their own life. Here’s an example: Elijah and Shosh. They have had almost a mirrored path on this show yet, they are in two completely different places.  Like Elijah, Shosh has gotten her heart broken, lost job and smoke cracked. The different between the two is that Shosh isn’t going to binge on Adderall and hope everything gets better. She’s going to find some new venture, throw herself into it and make a way for herself.

Overall, I give this episode an 8.5-9. I love that we are still staying in the lives of the characters. We can see that most characters (except for Marnie), are on the verge of change.

Prediction: Ray is going to propose to Shosh or tell her he loves her.  Marnie is going to have something happen to her that makes her re-examine her life. Perhaps a freak fitness accident… Who knows??

This episode taught us:

1.       There are levels to adulating.

2.       Eat Edibles Responsibly

3.       The only approval you need… Is your own

4.       Don’t compare or overreact, breathe and live.


Until Next Time… Happy Watching!





If I could give Lena four rounds of applause I would, this week episode of Girl was so good! It reminded me of the very reason I fell in love with this show in the first place.  (Minus the lack of Shosh)  You see my crazy intense review last week helped bring about this masterpiece. (Not really? But one can pretend).  This week episode is entitled Pain Evacuation the entire show is about the cast reaching this pivot moment in their life. They all reach this moment in a range of painful ways.  

Let’s start with Adam. We open up with him acting out a scene in his new movie. Adam then turns around and gets into with the director. In frustration, he realizes that he doesn’t want to do it anymore. He quits the movie, stealing the itchy jeans. He goes home to find Jess who’s doing a homework assignment about child psychopaths. In which, she realize that she actually have all the symptoms but have completely out grown it. (Sure Jess). Adam complains about the movie and how he shouldn’t have quit, but then says he doesn’t want to be any body’s tool. (I’m paraphrasing) Jess, being Jess gives him the simplest answer, “just make your own movie because money literally grow on trees”.  (My new life motto).  After googling how to make a movie they have a brainstorming session (in the craziest way) and come up with the concept of the movie. They want to Lemonade the situation like Hannah, and make a movie about the love triangle.  They ask Hannah and she could careless (Because she have her own shit going on… We’re getting there).

 She gives them the go ahead and now Adam is ready to make a movie.  Adam and Jess made me love their relationship. (Sue me) The beauty of Jess is that she sees no limits. On one hand I can see how it can be viewed as being irresponsible. On the other hand I get it, you just have to look at life this way.  Sometimes as people, we can over think things and make life super complicated.  Sometimes you can over think ideas, make them larger than life which then scares you and you end up not doing it. But if you take the mindset that I’m going to get this done (or money grow on trees), then guess what, nine times out of ten you’re going to get things done. Moral of the storyline, stop overthinking and DO IT!

Next up, we have Hannah who’s experiencing a painful urination. (Law & Order UTI) Most of the episode, she’s sitting on the toilet in pain. (They really do hurt like hell) After having her Mother look at the blood in her pee (God Bless Mothers). She convinces her to go to the emergency room, in which she realize she’s pregnant. To my shock (and I’m sure everyone), she’s in no rush to get an abortion. We end the episode with her laying her head on Elijah lap and staring off into space. I imagine that she’s feeling something between shock, excitement and downright fear. Having a baby is no small chore. You officially become in charge of a living breathing human being. It’s literally like having your heart walk around the world without you. (How do parents do it?)  I felt like in Hannah starring off, we see the first look of maturity. It seem that in that moment she realize that life is real and it comes at you fast. Inside the episode (at the end), we learn that this is Hannah story arch for the season. (I’m in!)

 Marnie is still being a total bitch to Ray and sneaking off to see Desi. (Thank God he’s getting help). I have to be honest here, after seeing Get Out, it’s really hard to look at Marnie the same.  She was such a nut job in the movie and she’s the same way on the show.  During the counseling session, we see for the first time that Desi actually have a point. Marnie is seriously all about Marnie. She doesn’t care about what anyone is going through, especially if it doesn’t affect her. The sad part is, it seems that Marnie could honestly careless. She’s working on her body, balance and all things are great in Marnie’s world. It’s everyone else who have the problem. While she’s working on the outside she’s failing to work on the inside.  I’m screaming right alone with Desi… Clean up your side of the street Marnie Marie!  

Lastly, we have Ray. Who is just not taking the hint that his girl is long gone! We see that Ray has been trying to spend time with Marnie but she’s too busy working out. Ray is at the coffee shop getting his ear talked off by an elderly customer; which he brushes off.  The old man leaves and then drops dead! (In Ray defense, older people have to stop with the oversharing.) This bizarre and mentally painfully moment leads to Hermine having a talk with Ray. In which he tells Ray, that he went back to coasting through life. (And dating girls with six packs)  Even though he won the city council,  we see that he eventually revert back to his old ways. Hermie said that he’s not a waste of space but a waste of potential. When someone calls you on your shit, nine times out of ten you don’t want to hear it. So Ray walked away. It wasn’t until he talked to Shosh that he realize that Hermie had a point. Shosh helps him realize that Hermie wasn’t being mean he just wanted him to live a better life. He was going to apologize only to discover him dead. Tear.  

Girls had to kill off two people to drive home a very important point.  When it’s time for you to go it’s time for you to go. You could be walking out of a coffee shop or just working out. When we were younger, we thought that we had all the time in the world. We think that the dreams we want to accomplish will just happen. When the truth is, we have to make these things happen. And sometimes it can be hard and painful.  But once you go through it, you will become a much better person because of it! Everyone will reach this point in their life.  Most people say this happen around your 30s.  Sometimes it happen later in your life but it will happen. No matter what, we will all come to a point where we say to ourselves: What the hell is my purpose here? Then you have to make the choice, are we going to take advantage of what life can offer or die. It’s really that simple… Do or die.

Overall, I will give this episode a solid 9. It had some true character development. It had twist and turns; and we got to see Elijah in his boxers. (Ok not really a point… but still). This week was an amazing episode with a great life lesson.

This episode taught us:

1.       Don’t waste your potential

2.       Sometimes you have to jump out the window and take a chance

3.       Never take life for granted.

4.       Don’t have raw sex with scuba instructors

5.       Do or Die.

My prediction: Ray will break up with Marnie and get back with Shosh. Nas is going to make an appearance in either this episode or the next.

Until Next Time… Happy Watching




Le sigh! This week on Girls we explore the mind of a white Bill Cosby (Yeah I said it) Hannah is invited over to a famous author house. His reasoning for inviting her over is to explain his side of the story.  The man has had countless women speak out about his crimes on young women. He feels that the world is being unfair to him and he’s going to sit down with this random blogger to make it right. (Because that makes so much sense).  The creep explains that he loves women and there is no way to force a person to give a blow job. Hannah proceed to say that it probably feels a little choky. (I died). 

Any who, somewhere in the middle of the story we realize that the man picked Hannah because of her wonderful writing. Amazing! I was excited at this aspect because I thought it would explain why we ended up at the author house. My genius brain thought that this would convince Hannah to live a life of writing and she would start writing a book! Yay for character development!!!

But image my shock when we get to inside the episode and find out that this is a think piece for different types of sexual assault.  While I’m all for this type of episode and I love a good think-piece (coughs).  I find it extremely out of context with this series and believe that the timing is off. I imagined that when the Cosby scandal was going on Lena had her notepad out sketching away this episode. The only problem is, the Bill Cosby scandal is… I hate to say it… Old news! Right now we’re dealing with a crazy President and a lying ass cabinet. We’re not thinking about sexual assault… I’m sorry we just aren’t!

This is the FINAL season of this show…meaning that there won’t be a B season. It’s not going to come back in the fall…and it for sure won’t come back next year. This is the end of it! We should be using every single episode learning more about our characters. We should now be thinking about the future of these characters and who they will become after the show ends. There is so much that haven’t been addressed that it seems arrogant to take this time to make some feminist statement about sexual assault.

Deep breath! I know you are clutching your pearls and wondering how it all got so deep! (It was a lot) But I have said this plenty of times on my podcast… when I commit… I commit! If I have dedicated over five seasons of my life to your series, the LEAST you could do is give me a final season to remember. This is not the time to have bomb cameos just for the sake of having them! This is not Entourage, this is GIRLS! If I’m not mistaking this show began with character driven plot. That’s how it should end!

Think about it! What if Carrie didn’t spend the final half of the season falling in love with Alexander and then jetting off to Paris? There would be no closure! There would be no Big flying to Paris tracking her down like a mad man… Only to say that she was the one all along. (Just thinking about it…still makes melt my heart).  What if instead Carrie met a new guy, then flew to California to work on a crazy book deal. Then she met a guy there and in the mist of learning about him we meet another hot new girl. Now the new guy wants to have a three way with the hot girl! Did I make your head hurt?

Well three episodes in and that’s exactly how this series is making me feel. My hope is that the remaining seven episodes are completely in the world of our characters.  We need to start seeing some serious character growth by episode 7.  I don’t want to come to the final episode and think wow they are fucked! I say all this to say that when Lena started this series, it was created in the hopes to show how young adults handle being thrown into the adult world. If Hannah and friends, can’t get there shit together then what’s the hope for the young kids anticipating this next step?

Overall my rating for this episode is a 5.5-6.  Here’s my life takeaways this week:

1.       Don’t go over creepy famous people house who have a reputation of assaulting girls

2.       Even creeps have a soft side.

My Prediction: Bleak… But I hope it turns around.





Did Lena read my post last week? Not only did we survive a whole episode without a single crotch shot.  (Thank you Lena). But we also got to see my favorite character Shosh! And she was with my other favorite character Elijah (I love Elijah…like LOVE) why did we have to wait six whole seasons for this masterpiece?!? I won’t complain though…  Let’s get into this episode review!

So we open up this episode with Hannah giving us (and Elijah) the rundown on the Marnie and Desi situation. They’ve been fucking for two weeks and Ray doesn’t even know it! Probably because he’s been living blissfully at Shosh house. (But we will table that for later).  Marnie wants to take her and Desi fuckship to the next level and hit the road! Hannah being the ride or die that is tag along to help her out.   Marnie and Desi arrive in a stylish old school car looking like a Where Waldo Cut Out for the first time ever, I feel bad for Hannah. On the way to the country house, they stop at a random shop own by an ex-supermodel. She’s gorgeous, insane and tells some crazy story about the guy from Law & Order. I’m still not sure why we went to the shop or the meaning of the tea set. But it happened.

 Fast forward, we pull up to a beautiful house and Hannah is going to her room to work. In my first post I complained about the lack of growth in Hannah. But this week, we see that Marnie also haven’t changed at all. She’s still unsure of what she really wants out of life. She only wants men when they are unavailable to her and she’s constantly looking for some approval on if she’s doing the right thing. Six seasons in you would think that at least one of these things would have change by now. But whatever, after discovering a jar of pills in an empty suitcase (because that’s totally normal), we discover that Desi has a 20 oxy a day drug habit. So there is a reason for Desi emotional outburst (he literally makes my skin crawl).  

After smashing the jar and crushing the pills. Desi totally loses his shit and forces the girls to kick him out of the house.

What’s the meaning of this cunt parade? (Favorite line!)

After having a breakdown Hannah tells Marnie in the most non-judgmental way that Marnie is seriously self-involved.  (This is the SECOND guy that had a drug habit and she had NO clue).  She continues in a very non-Hannah like matter and say that

She (Marnie) should actually look at things the way they are and not how she wants them to be.

  This moment showed me that although the girls have a lot more growing to do; one thing that has grown a great deal is there love and respect for each other. Marnie leaves the country house with a smile on her face, her best friend at her side and ready to take over the world. 

Back in city, Elijah is annoyed because someone how Shosh got his number and asked him to attend a women’s networking event. (That’s not weird at all). Nonetheless, due to an open bar, Elijah is willing to help a sister out. Meanwhile, Sosh and Jessa sits through a painful Facetime session with their Grandmother and Jessa invites herself to tag along.

“Tell me the address and if I should where shoulder pads or not”. (And she shows up with the shoulder pads on.)  

They make it to this event and you can see the stars in Shosh eyes. Her ex’s bestie has a hit business and are ready to take over the world. (Jamba Jeans for everyone!).  With Elijah beyond bored (he promptly leaves for a blowjob and coke) and Jessa completely out of place. It forces Shosh to deal with her ex- besties alone. 

The conversation seems to be going totally well. They catch up. Shosh tells them about her new job in marketing (not in a market, Elijah) and everything is going great until Shosh ask for them to exchange business cards. The girls quickly turns cold and brings up a Spring Break trip that she dipped on leaving them to spilt the room in two. The girls read her for her rights and explain that they just don’t have time for a person like her, in their life. (Ice cold).  Shosh is left pissed and frustrated, but instead of taking it out on the girls. She takes it out on Jessa, throwing food at her and telling her that she’s the reason for her life being so messed up. In the midst of an Adam bashing situation, Elijah casually drops that Marnie isn’t sleeping with Ray anymore, she’s fucking Desi. Even in her anger, Shosh couldn’t keep the look of shock out of her face. (I’m almost positive this news will make it back to her couch mate Ray.)

Back to the real issue, instead of actually listening to Shosh and seeing where she is coming from; Jessa thinks this is an attack on her.  She doesn’t understand why everyone is being so mean to her just because she’s with Adam. (We clearly have another self-involved person)  She walks away pissed that she can’t get a ride with them and that Shosh dropped her food. (A legit reason to be mad)

 Overall… How was this episode? I think it was about a 7.5/8. Desi breaking that window screaming BITCHES AND CUNTS, literally had me rolling around my bed in laughter.  What really made this episode was the valuable one-lines that was dropped throughout this episode. They were small but when applied to life it can really make things better! Here are our life takeaways this week:

1.        If you don’t believe in your own goodness nobody will

2.       Everybody has their own path

3.       None of us know anything.

Prediction: Shosh and Ray are totally getting back together!

See you next week! J






If you are anything like me, when you heard that Girls would be premiering on HBO, you were overwhelmed with joy. We didn’t know what to expect. Would it be the 2012 Sex in the City we’ve longed for? Would it be the female version of Entourage? And the list of questions could go on!  We got was neither Sex in the City or Entourage.  Outside an amazing reference to Sex in the City by Shoshanna. (I’m totally a mix between Samantha &Charlotte)  This show couldn’t be anything further from Sex in the City. Instead this show gave a more realistic view of what it means to be a young adult (well young white adult… My Mom did NOT pay my bills after college.)  Nonetheless, I have stuck with the funny and often cringe worthy train wreck of a show.  (When I commit! I commit)

It was during Season 5, Episode 6 “The Panic in Central Park”, that I finally noticed the shift in the show. If you don’t remember, this was the episode were Marnie runs in to Charlie. They have a world wind day of fun only to discover that Charlie is a fucking crackhead. It was beautifully shot, beautifully written and it made me weep. For the first time, I saw Lena Dunham, not just as a show creator who wants to see how many crotch shots she can pack in one episode (My God, it was plain overkill).  But for the first time, we saw growth in the characters and overall direction of the show. I was so overwhelmed by emotions that I decided to actually write about it (It won’t see the light of day). The next week, we got “Hello Kitty”, which made me really just want to watch the play with the audience.  And I was again compelled to write about the show. (Maybe I’ll share).

But I say all this to say, although Lena Dunham has done some weird/shady shit (Cough…Odell Breckham… Just Google it!). We still have to love, respect and thank her for the gift that is Girls. So this year, I vowed that I would review each episode and actually put it on the internet. So here it is:

Last season we left Hannah at a Moth Event. Marnie inviting Ray on her tour, to deal with emotional Desi and his spiritual cougar… I mean guide. And Jessa and Adam tearing up their damn apartment and then fucking each other brains out. (Hell of an afternoon) In defense of Jessa, we finally got to see how shitty she felt about the whole situation. She just isn’t the type of girl that would sleep with her best friend ex’s. But you know, when love gets you… It’s gets you. (Another article for another day).

So we hop into Season 6 Episode 1 “All I Ever Wanted”, and discovered that Hannah has LEMONADE her Adam and Jess situation, and is finally in print. We opened up with Hannah being Hannah saying anything that comes to her mind. I couldn’t help but role my eyes, because out of all the characters, it just seems like Lena Dunham isn’t aware of her lack of growth in her character (Hannah). She’s still takes every moment to flash her hairy ass pussy and show off her bootylicious body.  And before you set your torches and say I’m “body shaming”, I’m a bigger girl and I love that she loves her body. (But again MY GOD).   So Hannah gets this job to write about the Yoga Moms taking over a surf camp in the Hamptons. (Rich People Problems).

We learned that Elijah is back to his old ways and plans to “fuck his way to the middle”, his words not mine. (Sidebar: I DIED when he asked Hannah to use her room for a small orgy. And she was totally fine with it!) Marnie is getting a divorce and realize she needs to create boundaries (Never mind the fact she was married for 5.2 seconds).  And in typically Marnie fashion, she pushes Ray out and right into Shoshanna arms (who we didn’t see enough of this episode). Which of course, totally puts Marnie in her feelings and right into Desi crying arms. (Gag).

In the mist of Ray trying to figure out where he will lay his head. He goes back to his home (I must have missed when he moved in with Adam) and finds Jessa in typically Jessa fashion, she’s nude, eating yogurt and completely unbothered. It looks like her and Adam are both back to their own lighthearted ways.  (I digress)

Hannah makes it to the Hamptons and Naz is her fucking surf teacher! (Remember The Night of?) Any who, she runs into carefree, rapping and all around sweetheart Naz (I’m sure that’s not his name in the show… But go with me). After having a night of drinking and downright cringe-worthy sex, Hannah is ready to take her walk of shame, but Naz has other ideas. He’s going to show her around the Hampton’s and change her mind about the beach! (Cut to the shots of them rolling in the sand). After a great day, Hannah does the thing that most females do, she starts planning the future. Naz being the laid back dude he is found it amazing and said she could finally meet his girlfriend. (Record scratch). Of course, he has a girlfriend. After being bitchy and then realizing she didn’t have a dog in this fight. Hannah decides to go with it and live in the moment.

My overall rating for this episode would be about a 7.5. It was a strong season opener.   They get knocked half a point because of the lack of Shosh. A point for so many unnecessary nudity shots and a point for not actually showing us Adam and Jessa reactions to the article (I’m sure this will come up later in the season… but still).  Overall, I’m in it to win. I’m looking forward to this final season and I hope that Lena will use this season to transform Hannah from a girl to a woman.

What did you think? What would you rate this episode? Please feel free to comment below!



Lessons from Survivor Remorse ‘The Photo Shoot Episode”

This episode made me smile because it brought to life a story that I personally struggle with. I often have debates with others about colorism in our society and even in the black community.  The episode allowed me to step outside of myself and look at my actions through Missy. It also allowed me to see my faults in Reggie. While he didn’t have a problem with Missy’s photo-shoot vision, he hated her process in making that vision come to life.

Missy stepped in as Cam’s Public Relations representative.  Cam was given a major photoshoot and Missy wanted to use this as an opportunity to change not only Cam’s narrative but also the narrative of darker skin black girls.  She picked a beautiful brown-skin girl but when she was dropped at the last minute, the casting agent sent a fair skin model in her place. Having a dentist appointment, Missy was late to the shoot and didn’t discover until the middle of the photo shoot that a light-skin woman was replaced by her dark skin lead. To say that she lost it is mildly put.

While I was laughing and screaming “YAS Missy,” I didn’t realize that there was another side to this story.  I didn’t realize that while she was waving her flag for little dark girls everywhere she was also tearing someone else’s flag down. In that moment I recognized that closed-mindlessness in myself. I realized that sometimes we could get so caught up in pushing our own agendas that we hurt others in the process. (I really hope next season this issue come back up).

How many times have we turned a small disagreement into a huge fight? All because we tried to make sure our side heard? The old saying is true: prick your battles.  Weigh the pros and cons in every situation and remember that for every action there’s a consequence. In the words of Kevin Hart, “Always Play Chess not Checkers.” You can sacrifice the small wins for long term goals. Sometimes, it’s really not worth it and that applies to all aspects of life.

Lessons From Insecure Messy As F*uck

If you’re like me, you too have been completely blown away by Issae Rae’s new HBO series Insecure. Is it too early to say it may be the closest we will get to a Girlfriends reboot?  There’s something about this show that gives me that warm and fuzzie 90’s tv vibe.  From the first episode's line, “All black college girls love Drake” to episode four’s reference to the “ex-doppler of happiness.” (Nod your head… We’ve all been there).  Insecure is amazing because of its frequent black culture references and realism.  But it wasn’t until the second epsoide that I realized this show has much more to offer than laughs.  This episode made me want to hug my boyfriend. 

 In this episode we were able to dive deeper into Lawrence's character and learned about his insecurities. We watched him confront his girlfriend for buying a six pack of panties in Rite Aid.  Then be totally dissed by his homies for the basketball game; leaving him with Thug Yoda’s words of wisdom.  ( Because his baby mama was being a real B-I-T-C-H).  It made me wonder who do men vent to?  Do groups of guys sit around and have a vent session? Unlike females, men aren’t taught that if they’re having a bad day:  cry it out.  They’re taught to suck it up and be a man.  I realized after watching this episode that guys don’t share the same emotional freedom as women.

The past few months have been a very trying time for my boyfriend and I.   Since we’ve been together we have been on a life-happens roller coaster of sorts.  When I’m flying high, he’s riding low.  When he’s doing great something will happen in my life to knock me down. Even though it has been extremely frustrating, I’ve realized that we have learned to lean on each other in times of turmoil.   I have also learned that I have someone outside of my family that I can depend on. You can say that he’s the Derek to my Meredith (Minus the postage marriage and tons of money).  Going through these times together we have learned how to vent openly and freely.  Now, instead of crying we find a way to crack a joke at ourmisfortunes.

Yet, watching Lawrence get shot down everytime he tried to open up reminded me that not everyone has a person in their corner to hold them up through hard times.  Recently, I spent some time with a group of young black professionals (let’s say 25 and up). We spoke about relationships and men with potental.  We used the example of a guy starting a t-shirt line. We asked each other if we would stick it out with the guy if the t-shirt line never picked up. The majority of the women said that he had to have a side hustle while others flat out said he had six months tops. Six months?   I was baffled, but this was not the first time I have heard women say they didn’t have time for potential.

Everyone cheered Michelle Obama for dating President Obama when he was on the come up but ladies, let’s be honest.  How many of you are willing to stick around with a guy who has a hole in a car floor? (I’ll wait!) In this instagram, materalistic world no one has time to wait for a guy to get his shit together.   Then we get mad when we find out Ghost and Luke Cage are married to white women who stuck it out when they were broke. (I’m not going there… Just using it as an example… Don’t kill me).

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that we need to stick it out with a guy who has dreams but can’t stay sober long enough to make them happen.  I’m asking that we go deeper and look at the true nature of the man. Look at his values, listen to him talk about his plans and watch how he moves.  If he’s like Lawrence, honestly working towards his goals but he can’t get a break,  would it kill us to have a little patience? Make him feel good about his hard-work?  I’m not asking anyone to lower there standards, but I’m saying as a people we can learn to be patient and understanding of each other peaks and valleys.