Lessons From Insecure Messy As F*uck

If you’re like me, you too have been completely blown away by Issae Rae’s new HBO series Insecure. Is it too early to say it may be the closest we will get to a Girlfriends reboot?  There’s something about this show that gives me that warm and fuzzie 90’s tv vibe.  From the first episode's line, “All black college girls love Drake” to episode four’s reference to the “ex-doppler of happiness.” (Nod your head… We’ve all been there).  Insecure is amazing because of its frequent black culture references and realism.  But it wasn’t until the second epsoide that I realized this show has much more to offer than laughs.  This episode made me want to hug my boyfriend. 

 In this episode we were able to dive deeper into Lawrence's character and learned about his insecurities. We watched him confront his girlfriend for buying a six pack of panties in Rite Aid.  Then be totally dissed by his homies for the basketball game; leaving him with Thug Yoda’s words of wisdom.  ( Because his baby mama was being a real B-I-T-C-H).  It made me wonder who do men vent to?  Do groups of guys sit around and have a vent session? Unlike females, men aren’t taught that if they’re having a bad day:  cry it out.  They’re taught to suck it up and be a man.  I realized after watching this episode that guys don’t share the same emotional freedom as women.

The past few months have been a very trying time for my boyfriend and I.   Since we’ve been together we have been on a life-happens roller coaster of sorts.  When I’m flying high, he’s riding low.  When he’s doing great something will happen in my life to knock me down. Even though it has been extremely frustrating, I’ve realized that we have learned to lean on each other in times of turmoil.   I have also learned that I have someone outside of my family that I can depend on. You can say that he’s the Derek to my Meredith (Minus the postage marriage and tons of money).  Going through these times together we have learned how to vent openly and freely.  Now, instead of crying we find a way to crack a joke at ourmisfortunes.

Yet, watching Lawrence get shot down everytime he tried to open up reminded me that not everyone has a person in their corner to hold them up through hard times.  Recently, I spent some time with a group of young black professionals (let’s say 25 and up). We spoke about relationships and men with potental.  We used the example of a guy starting a t-shirt line. We asked each other if we would stick it out with the guy if the t-shirt line never picked up. The majority of the women said that he had to have a side hustle while others flat out said he had six months tops. Six months?   I was baffled, but this was not the first time I have heard women say they didn’t have time for potential.

Everyone cheered Michelle Obama for dating President Obama when he was on the come up but ladies, let’s be honest.  How many of you are willing to stick around with a guy who has a hole in a car floor? (I’ll wait!) In this instagram, materalistic world no one has time to wait for a guy to get his shit together.   Then we get mad when we find out Ghost and Luke Cage are married to white women who stuck it out when they were broke. (I’m not going there… Just using it as an example… Don’t kill me).

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that we need to stick it out with a guy who has dreams but can’t stay sober long enough to make them happen.  I’m asking that we go deeper and look at the true nature of the man. Look at his values, listen to him talk about his plans and watch how he moves.  If he’s like Lawrence, honestly working towards his goals but he can’t get a break,  would it kill us to have a little patience? Make him feel good about his hard-work?  I’m not asking anyone to lower there standards, but I’m saying as a people we can learn to be patient and understanding of each other peaks and valleys.